Its official! I don't just hate shopping; I loathe it. Especially for ......bras! This is one item that you can't stock up on like mammoth jars of vitamins and mustard from the new super wherehouse shops like Costco. Same breasts but need new supporters frequently! Nordstroms lingerie department pays more homage to breasts than boyfriends I've known. Well, after a random tour round the department and wondering how the varioius bits of string and lace cover or support any mammilian breasts, I finally asked for help.
"Of course" says the barely past puberty teen (who, by the way, resembles one of the patients in my clinic). This can't be put off any longer, so I acccept her help, thinking she will "start a room" for me and put some stuff in there I can try on. Well, she COMES in with me, bringing her tape measure and says, "OK. top off" Shit! This is some bad movie or something.....I ask her some vague question regarding what we are doing. Patiently, with just a bit too much understanding pity in her eyes, she explains, "we are going to fit you". (I think, "we?" who the hell else is she bringing into the room??)
Lo and behold, all the exercise I have been doing has paid off and I am not the 92Q I thought I was, but a new and improved 85W ! Great! I have now been fitted! Unfortunately, the fun had just started....these specially fitted brassieres do not come in a value pack. I had to painstakingly sift through the styles and select 85W's. Well, everyone must be a 85W, because there were hardly any. Lots of 69Z's and 102F's....geez, who are these women?
Is it too much to ask for just a simple bra. No minimizer, thank you very much and I certainly don't need "extra body"...and I actually prefer my underclothes without sewn-in jewelery--so I go back to Ginger and ask very politely, "which section are the regular bras in?"--she responds again with the pity look, "These are really what you need, Ma'am"---
Maybe the women in the 1960's were onto something....the no bra-feminist-go ahead and look at me in all my freedom-I am woman-hear me roar -glory era is looking really good to me now. In Africa, they dispense with anything on top altogether.....
As Ginger individually swaddled each bra in tissue paper, I pondered.....Hm...where is the delicate balance between enticement and exhibitionism, between freedom and disciplined containment........to let them all hang out or to lift, separate, support?.......
The final bill cured me of my musings....it costs big bucks to prettily lift and support......I grab my bag of tenderly gift wrapped bras and head straight for the exit as fast as I can.
