Tuesday, February 7, 2023

body parts...5 years old

Mommy, it's scary when someone doesn't have a penis. 


Scared cause if you don't have a penis, it will bleed-- somebody told me that

Where do the puppies come out of? Her butt? 
Where IS her vagina anyway?

Thursday, October 19, 2017


I went to the Apple store, in -person.  No, really.  I did. 

I walked in with my iPad and was directed to the "Genius" bar.  Seriously, what 15 year old came up with this name.  "We are geniuses and can help you with your electronic device because you are obviously not a genius"  I explained the issue with my iPad of only 2 years and he responds, "how sweet.  You know the newer ones are a quarter the weight, right?  I'm not even going to send you to the genius bar.  Let me help you"  and gave me a pitying little smile. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had taken in an old ipod music player to be recycled (less than 6 years old).  The look on teen genius was too much.  He laid a hand on my arm, tilted his head with a gentle smile, lowered his voice, and said, "  aww, they don't even make these anymore.  that is so sweet.  Do you mind if I show the other staff?"  - dumbfounded and sort of mortified, I was surrounded by teen geniuses who were peering over each others shoulders to get a glimpse of this ancient relic.  

I feel like a dial up person in a high speed internet world. 

My shower

Harmonizing, pure performance restore and protecting, gentle positively radiant, pampers and more harmonizing and hydrating and repairing.  Am I taking a shower or in some sort of affirmation cloud??

Saturday, April 27, 2013

I long for a simple cup of Chai

Tea drinking has become very confusing.  My grandfather and I used to share a cup of tea.  It went like this: take a simple yellow Lipton teabag, immerse in 1 cup of boiling water.  After 3-5 minutes remove teabag and toss.  Add milk to taste and a bit of sugar.  Voila !  Then we would each take a biscuit, sip our tea and chat.  Perfect.

Now, I can get a vente soy chai tea latte.  What is that anyway?  A ginormous soy milk tea tea ??  Translated into English, its a carafe of soy milk with a few teaspoons of some processed powder.

Buy  herbal tea, be prepared for the un solicited self-help tips. Relax.  Unwind. De-stress. Calm.  Sleep.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Be careful; its natural

We didn't read the fine print.  Our mistake.  My new husband (see previous blog entry) and I  enjoy those sweet little oranges so we bought the economical bag last week.  In my post-work, what shall we have for dinner haze, I happened to glance over at the bag and read the warning disclaimer, " may contain occasional seed"  --- um, its an orange; where I come from they ALL contain seeds, sometimes many of the!  Now, looking on the positive side,  it is a useful hazard awareness tip for the very young and very old and those who have swallowing problems; (though they may or may not be able to read and understand the fine print).........

What is next?  Will my banana have a sticker affixed that says "slippery when peeled?"

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Weddings and Marriage in a Digital Age

Something borrowed, something blue, something old and something new.........

Well now, its something interactive, URL, CD, invariably starts with www and doesn't even rhyme!

It all started when I didn't know where to get "Indian wedding cards" Lo and behold, "Indian wedding card dot com!"   Then we had a wedding website at wedsimple.com, (a sarcastic moniker as I now know, weddings are never simple ) with photos, music, descriptions of our ceremony.  People we are not sure we know knew more about the ceremony than one could imagine.  They were able to buy bindis and Indian clothes on-line from links on our site!

The tablescloths were found on a website from Petaluma.  The table chargers and lily bowls also ordered from a website.  The engangement announcement cards, the thank you notes, the programs, wedding favors, bags, tissue all found on cyber searches.  We took virtual tours of many reception sites before finding the right one.  We needed plates that would suit Indian food and thought that Thali plates would be perfect;  as fate would have it, we ordered 1000 plates from plastic.thali.com.  Cups, bowls, cutlery, napkins were all from http://www.something.com/.

Our registry was on-line and we virtually suggested we wanted trivets, backpacks and frying pans.  Our Thank you list is being partially kept by Wedding channel and the rest is at amazon.com under the "Your Thank you list" tab.   My parents', his parents' and Keith's invitee lists are very handily saved as excel databases and can be exported into labels.  My addressess were scribbled in a little book which was unceremoniously stolen when my car was broken into 2 weeks before the wedding.  I resolutely resort to the Indian tradition of hand-delivering invitations and the soon to be written thank you notes.  When we had no idea about a gift card so generously given to us,  we logged in to macys.com to check the balance on our gift cards. 

Our photos are on our friends' iphones, picassa links, and the expensive photographer sent us a CD in a very nice box.  My parents and 95 year old Grandfather want to know where the old fashioned "photo album" is - that thing you hold on your lap and flip through.  I tried to explain that they are photoshop-ing my blemishes out.  We have yet to view any video as we are transferring the little tapes into DVD's.  If we want to show any of our friends pics of the wedding, we must first drag them them to the nearest computer.   People have stopped asking to see photos now.

Luckily, I registered at the all-you-need-to-know-about-planning-a-wedding site "The knot" .com  They have now thoughtfully continued our subscription to "The nest" .com which has many helpful lists on how to set up a household. Should things go as we hope, we could soon find ourselves with a complimentary subscription to "the bump" .com. 

We have logged in to the SF county site to order an extra copy of our marriage certificate and I have logged in at work to download the latest benifiary form for my new husband.   It turns out the more important announcement is on Facebook!  When my then fiance changed his status to engaged, I had to "accept" his invitation.  No worries, I had a real time proposal prior to the virtual question, "Do you accept Keith as your fiance on facebook?"  After our wedding, as a testament to my commitment to our marriage, I changed my status first.  Keith graciously accepted my facebook invitation "to be married" and we are officially wedded according to our mutual 200 plus facebook social network.  

Something borrowed: my father's printer to print our lists and drafts
Something blue: the screen when my laptop overheated
Something old: the version of microsoft office I have so I couldn't read the draft of the program
Something new: a husband

I guess the cyber world has its place in love;  after all, despite having mutual colleagues and working 2 blocks away from each other, we first met when Keith gave me a virtual wink on http://www.match.com/

European sports announcers in the World cup......

I had started watching the world cup for the global football sportsmanship.   I continued to watch because I was rooting for Spain and the sports announcers were so entertaining!!

Here are some of my favorite quotes:
  1. He gave so much notice, He fairly sent a telegram that the ball was coming
  2. we are watching a 90 minute drama
  3. This is stranger than fiction
  4. Well, if the referee is going to be so persnickety
  5. He is fit but not so sharp
  6. he was a bit too cheeky
  7. The player fell in such an unceremonious fashion
  8. That is some obdurate defense
  9. Its beginning to look as though even one goal would be enough
  10. It loks as though the referee was going to blow his whistle and thought better of it
  11. He serves his country nobly
  12. I think he is trying to sort his feet out
  13. the promiseland of world cup winning is still in never never land for netherland
and my personal favorite:
14. It would have been a glorious goal, had it been forthcoming

Can you imagine this sort of announcing for the Patriots or the SF Giants??